The Search Is Over...For Right Now

I had an epiphany this morning.

It was strange. I don’t normally make a habit of making life-altering decisions in the span of a few hours just before lunchtime. But this morning I did.

I decided I’m tired of looking, always looking.

I’ve got a job. It’s not that bad. Things are actually picking up and I’m finding more ways to make myself useful and to stay creative. I’m not having nearly as much fun as I did before and it definitely lacks the human interaction I enjoy so much, but it can work. And this morning, I made the decision to make it work.

I had forgotten a few things. I had forgotten to make up my pros and cons list. I was taught that years ago and though it sounds cliché, it really does work. The pros for staying definitely surpass the short list of drawbacks for staying.

I had forgotten that I had a job. I was still shopping the employment listings like the same person who knew in three weeks I’d be unemployed. Well, I’m not anymore. It’s one thing to shop for a position with a future or better yet, a company with a future, but I’m not desperate. I’m not simply looking to find any kind of employment anymore. As strange as it sounds, I had neglected this very important piece of information and was still operating on automatic pilot.

I’m still keeping my eyes and ears open, scanning the Sunday paper every week and checking the online job listings regularly, just not as intensively. If both the position and company really intrigue me and there aren’t other factors working against it (like its geographic location or starting salary), I'll consider applying. But I’ll be more selective when pursuing opportunities, because for right now, I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be.

Last week, I cancelled plans for a final interview that was taking me pretty close to an actual job offer. Once I was honest with myself and realized that I wasn’t willing to take the job even if it was offered, it was easy to withdraw my application.

It’s hard to ever feel fully settled if you’re working out of a box. So that’s it. I’m moving in. Okay, maybe I’m not bringing in the fridge or hoisting a flag, but I’m making an effort to make this new job my home, at least for a little while.

I’ve got nothing to lose.