It's A Miracle...Well, Maybe

It's official. My newspaper's finally agreed to put out a new Bucs fanzine they've been talking about and if you've read my earlier blog entries, you know this is a big deal to me.

I've had a chance to interview and write profiles about a few of the Bucs already including Cadillac Williams and Alex Smith and more recently, Matt Bryant, as well as some of the Bucs cheerleaders. But these stories haven't seen the light of day yet.

Should they really roll this baby out for an additional four issues, I'm looking at the chance to talk to at least seven more Bucs players and four more cheerleaders. It's great interviewing and writing experience and I want so much to see an official by-line finally come to pass. It's really important for my career, you know? I need this to work out. Fingers are crossed.

Of course, I have a lot of other concerns and paranoia right now, and understandably so. It's been over five months since I was let go (well, sorta, since it didn't actually take.) And ad sales aren't much better. My new job relies on ad reps to use my writing services and well, beyond a little advertorial work and instead growing editorial "to do" list, I'm not really getting to do what they hired me back for: to grow revenue. But it's not like I can make sales reps sell ads. I can support them, I can offer help, I can make myself available. But I can't control how well they do. I'm S.O.L. really. So I think I'm vulnerable. No, I know I'm really vulnerable.

It's just a question of when, I think. How long will they give this new role, this new program a chance? Until next spring, January 1, this month? Rumors are floating around that changes may take place this next week. Will it be? Will I feel the ax yet again?

I don't know. While I won't be surprised this time around, I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I would be. To do good work and be told that by a number of people, now in a NEW department, and then get shafted again, well, it just might take that last ounce of optimism out of my beaker.

This "experiment" in the newspaper industry is drying out every last drop of hope. It can't happen again to me here. Not this soon.

Could it?